The Five Love Languages

There are five love languages per Gary Chapman: Quality Time. Acts of Service. Receiving of Gifts. Physical Touch. Words of Affirmation. Author Gary Chapman has written a few books for different audiences, the single person, the married couple, children and men. If you haven't heard of it, please check it out. If you have read them, share that with others! It truly is an awesome book that can help you figure out why you are the way you are and what you need to feel loved and how you can love others. It has helped us understand each other and how to speak each others love language. For example, for some folks Acts of Service may be their love language so they may go out of their way to do things for someone they love or for others and for another person their love language may primarily be Words of Affirmation. So Let's say Bob's primary love language is Acts of Service and he is getting things done for his spouse, working around the house serving others and just helping wherever he can. However his wife's love language is Words of Affirmation. So Betty may dish out the "Hey Hun thank you for doing that, I appreciated it and who you are" or "You are such a wonderful husband, hardworker and man" "You look handsome today" Betty is continuing to affirm her husband in who he is and so forth. Betty may not feel loved by her husband because she is looking for words of affirmation from her husband but the way Bob knows how to love her is through Acts of Service. Bob may not feel loved by Betty because his love language is Acts of Service but he is receiving words of affirmation. Not to say that those acts of love aren't awesome and amazing but how one feels loved may be different then the other. So learning that about your spouse, parent, friend, loved one is important because then you can speak their love language. You can do what maybe you normally wouldn't do. You can understand each other better. The love that may very well be real between you both can be felt even deeper because you took time out to figure out how to better love that person.

For us, Eric's love language is Acts of Service and his secondary is Words of Affirmation. My (Jen's) love language is Quality Time & Acts of Service (Yes, both level out on the same field for me). While we both may need a little bit of each language our primaries are Acts of Service, Words of Affirmation and Quality Time. Quality Time for Eric is 3rd on the list where it's my top two. I would've thought words of affirmation would be higher up for me but it makes sense. Eric and I both enjoy serving each other in several ways its how we show each other we love each other and its awesome that we share that. Quality Time and Words of Affirmation are things we are working on being better at for each other. We love it though. We love that we are learning this about each other, we totally are digging getting to know how to show each other love in a new way! It's a process like anything else but we are on board for the ride and are excited. We know it will only strengthen our relationship with each other, strengthen how we feel about each other in every way and allow us to appreciate each other in different ways. What a great way to start our marriage. What a great way to lead into the rest of our lives together and build a solid foundation for our family.

What's your love language? How do you feel most loved? How can you show love to someone near you? Maybe you are struggling to figure something out in your relationship with someone. How about taking a step to read this book? Or researching it at least. Instead of sitting there hurt, confused and frustrated because you don't feel loved even though you are told time and time again that you are loved why not figure it out. Why don't you feel loved? Is it because someone is telling you "Hey good job, you rock you are awesome" but what you want really is to spend time with that person.